I had a root canal today. My third in two years.
There are a thousand other things I’d rather do with my money, but the procedure itself isn’t bad. Truly.
Part of the reason it’s not bad for me is because of Maria, the dental assistant. Or endodontist assistant. Whatever she’s called, regardless of what she’s called, she’s spectacular. She makes me feel safe and comfortable.
Her daughter miscarried two years ago and hasn’t been able to get pregnant again.
When she told me, I nearly cried. Honest-to-goodness nearly cried.
I wouldn’t have been that empathetic BC. BC = Before Charlotte.
BC I would have been sorry for Maria and sorry for her daughter, but there would be no tears in my eyes.
I thought I lost Charlotte. Did I ever tell you that? I thought I lost her. It was about a week after I learned I was pregnant. There was a lot of bleeding. It was after hours, so all I could do was speak to my doctor on the phone. I told her what was happening and she, too, thought I lost my baby.
I couldn’t stop crying. Allan was devastated. He was trying to comfort me, but he was in no shape to do so.
I was crying because I let Allan down. He wanted a baby for so long, and he wanted a baby with me for so long, and I let him down.
More importantly, I let that baby down. I couldn’t give that baby life. I couldn’t protect it.
The next morning Allan and I went to my doctor’s office for an emergency ultrasound. It was literally the earliest an ultrasound could be performed. Six weeks. There was nothing in my uterus. It was black. Absolutely no signs of life.
But when that ultrasound technician turned the volume on, we heard a heartbeat. A very loud, strong heartbeat.
Allan cried. I gasped.
The baby trumps all, said the doctor.
I bled for weeks straight. I had a particularly bad episode at 11 weeks that required another emergency ultrasound.
But the baby trumped all. And the baby turns four months old on Friday.
I am so grateful for Charlotte. There are literally no words to describe how grateful I am for that baby. Hearing stories like Maria’s make me acutely aware of how incredibly lucky I am.