I’m a bit of a hoarder. Actually, I don’t know if that’s the word I’m looking for. I’m a saver. I’m a never-user. I’m a buy-and-only-look-er.
My problem mainly pertains to beauty products.
I’m bringing this up now because last night, while de-cluttering my closet, I found an entire bin full of shampoos and conditioners that I never used. Never even opened. There were still seals on some of the bottles. And this was expensive stuff, stuff that’s more than $10 per bottle. (I think if you spend more than $5 on a bottle of something to clean your hair, it’s expensive.)
Why didn’t I use it? I didn’t want to waste it. So I bought it – some of it a million years ago when I was in London – and kept it in bins and closets while I continued to use my Herbal Essences (approximately $4 per bottle). I was so afraid I’d never again be able to afford it, that I only wanted to use it on special occasions. Special occasions, of course, that never came.
And now that I’m writing about this and thinking it through, what the hell is a special occasion for shampoo? For conditioner? Obviously over the course of the past several years, I never figured it out. And I had to trash the shampoo because it, um, it congealed.
I also found make-up in the bin. Beautiful, expensive make-up in gorgeous shades of plum and chocolate and smoky grey. Barely used. Stored away for special occasions. Probably crawling in bacteria now because I hardly touched it.
And I found perfume.
Do you see where I’m going with this?
Nearly every bottle – every old, old bottle – was 98% full. Saved for a special occasion because if I used it on ordinary days, and used it up until it was gone, I would never, ever be able to get it again.
A few years ago – coming up on two – Allan bought me my very favorite shampoo and conditioner. He got me the biggest bottles Aveda made and each cost around $30. Yes, $30. They’re really big bottles, though. And when you open the bottle, the smell of heaven comes out. Seriously.
I only use the shampoo on non-work days. On work days I use the $4 Pantene 2-in-1. I do this because it saves me time in the morning… but also because it calms my mental unease. I can’t use expensive shampoo EVERY DAY! How wasteful!
I’m about ¾ of the way through the shampoo and conditioner, but it’s been a struggle. Every time I shower, I have to literally talk myself into using the Aveda stuff. I have a conversation with myself. I tell myself that I should enjoy using it, that if I run out, I can buy more. In fact, as incentive to get me to use it regularly, Allan has promised me that the minute it runs out, he will buy me more. And still, I struggle.
I’m having better luck with my new perfume. Every morning I spritz myself. I used to only do one spray per day, but now I do two. Two whole spritzes of Burberry London perfume. I’ve had it for about five months, and I’m about 1/15th of the way through the bottle. And you know what? Once it’s gone, I can buy more. It’s okay. I can get more.
Any therapists reading this blog? If so, help.