Allan and I bought a whopping $5 worth of Mega Millions lottery tickets this evening. If we win the $640 million jackpot, it will have been a good investment, right? Hell, if we win $10 it will have been a good investment!

In case you’re wondering, this is what I would do if I won the lottery:

  • Quit my job
  • Buy a house
  • Buy my parents/brothers a house
  • Travel
  • Travel
  • Travel
  • Pay for my niece and nephew’s education, and the educations of any other children that come my brothers way
  • Buy myself a honkin’ sapphire
  • Buy all the ladies in my family diamonds
  • Donate a lot to the Wake County SPCA/local rescue groups
  • Start some sort of organization that benefits animals (can you tell I have a soft spot for animals?)
  • That’s really about as far as I get with my list. Having that sort of money is literally beyond my wildest dreams.

    I know it’s basically a waste to spend money on lottery tickets, and we generally only drop a dollar or two on them when the jackpot goes over $200 million, but it’s fun. It’s fun to try to imagine what in the world I could do if I could afford to do anything – absolutely anything – I wanted.

    I decided to start drinking a Slim Fast shake for breakfast. Not necessarily as a weight-loss measure – though I could stand to have some loss of weight – but to prevent myself from eating so damn much sugar in the morning.

    Here’s what I usually do.

    I stroll over to the corporate cafeteria, conveniently located just across a driveway from my building. I chat with Alan, I scoop some oatmeal into a little, paper bowl. I then add sugar. Heaping spoonfuls of brown sugar. Then I add a little more oatmeal, then a lot more sugar. I then bebop over to the cream and fill a little plastic container full of the stuff (to later be dumped on my oatmeal). I pay Washington $.80, grab my spoon and some napkins, then I sit at my desk and slurp the oatmeal over the course of the next hour.

    Dude, it’s so good. So creamy and sweet and sweet and good. Yes, I meant to say sweet twice there to emphasize that my oatmeal is SWEET.

    And of course it’s sweet. It’s almost half sugar.

    Mmmm…. Sugar.

    I know it’s not good for me. I know it’s really, really not good for me. So while grocery shopping this weekend – which I hate, in case you didn’t see my tweet – I grabbed some Slim Fast breakfast shakes.

    I was good on my way to work this morning – I drank the shake in my car. I had to get an early start because I had an 8:30 meeting in a different building.

    It was an important meeting full of dignitaries from the Ministry of Health in Indonesia and our new CEO. Because it was an important meeting, they had good breakfast items. Items from Panera. Items like danishes and croissants. Croissants filled with chocolate.

    I grabbed one. Well, I grabbed two.

    I took a Danish with cheese and cherries and I grabbed a chocolate croissant. The idea was to cut each in half and have the best of both worlds. But I took one bite of the chocolate croissant and knew that I made a mistake by grabbing the Danish. I should have grabbed two croissants and left the Danish in the box.

    So, I ate my chocolate croissant, gave the Danish to a coworker, and here I sit feeling guilty. Guilty because I had the Slim Fast shake, dammit! That should have been enough! I should have ignored the croissants and the danishes and all of the other goodies and reminded myself that I had a (not so) yummy shake just a few minutes earlier.

    But I have no self control. Zip. Zilch. Zero. No, seriously, I don’t. Ask anyone who knows me. I cannot resist candy/sweets/pastries. Can’t do it.

    I cut myself a little slack this morning, though. I felt like I needed a little pick-me-up, even if only in the form of chocolate.


    The HOA board denied our petition to rent our house. We found out this weekend.

    Our hardship is not hard enough. We need something bigger, something worse than having to write a check for $25,000 to be allowed to rent our house.

    OUR house.


    Not the HOA’s.

    I am beyond upset.

    If you take a pin and prick the skin between by eyebrows, my head will pop like a balloon. I kid you not, it will pop because you will have just released the tremendous sinus pressure that’s hanging out in there. Right now, as I’m typing this, I can feel what can only be described as a bubble of sinus pressure building and building and building in my forehead. It’s a wonder other people can’t see it when they look at me.

    We’re having crazy, way-warmer-than-normal temperatures around here, and as a result, the pollen is out of control. There’s a constant minty green haze in the air, and that haze is giving my head a run for its money. While I’m thrilled that there will be no unexpected March snowstorms hitting these parts, I’d be happy with cooler temperatures and less pollen.

    In other news, is it Friday yet?

    In other, other news, I still love this song.