On Friday, someone broke into my car and my dog exploded all over our house. Via his ass.
Best Friday ever, dontcha think?
I’m sure you want details, right? Well, details you shall have.
So, Friday. My coworker, our wedding photographer (who also works with us) and I went to a tasty Italian place where we talked about babies, baby names, and babies. It was one of those occasions that was so lovely, it was a shame it could only last an hour. Ha. If we only knew what was in store for us as we left the restaurant…
When we got to the parking lot, my coworker warned me to watch out when backing out of the spot – there was glass everywhere. Then when we looked up, we realized the chunks of blue glass all over the parking lot were from my front passenger window. And my three-year-old Garmin was missing.
The police were called, and we spent the next two hours trying to find a shop vac with which we could suck up the bazillion pieces of shattered glass from my car. And then we layered clear plastic – straight from a Dollar Store poncho – over the window opening and sealed it with Dollar Store duct tape. I then drove my hooptie ride down I40 at 70mph to get home to…
Dog poo ALL OVER THE HOUSE. Murphy got violently ill and it was everywhere. Walls, carpet, camera bags. Nothing was spared from the brown stream of nastiness. And in an act of desperation, Allan, my angel of a husband, cut the carpet apart. Just cut a big ole chunk out rather than deal with it.
You see, while I was in Durham with the police, Allan left work to come home and deal with the shit. Literally. By the time I got home, there was a mild odor, a few missed spots on the wall and stained carpet. He took care of everything else.
Allan gets a gold star.
If you’re wondering how Allan knew to come home, our friend is unfortunately unemployed in this awful economy, and he comes over during the day so his dog and Murphy can play together. (Hi, Phil!) So he walked in, saw the horror, debated about what to do, and eventually called Allan. He then proceeded to take my sick dog for a walk (where he continued to get sick) and stayed with him until Allan got home.
Phil gets a gold star, too.
I had my window repaired yesterday morning. A new Garmin is on my list of things to buy. A Rug Doctor got the poo stains out. And we’re going to hire someone to try to fix the missing chunk of carpet rather than re-carpet the entire upstairs of our house.