I’m frazzled. It’s been a stressful evening on a multitude of levels. I was tired of the pettiness at work, so I told a manager. I feel better about the situation; even if nothing comes of it, at least someone’s aware.

In less than eight hours I will wake up to celebrate my first Christmas sans my family. I’ve been a waterspout on and off for the past few days, crying at the most random moments imaginable. For instance, tears started flowing in the Papa Lou’s line while waiting for my chicken fingers. And I cried at work when I saw a favorite childhood Christmas commercial. (you can check it out here: http://www.eatnpark.com/newsVideoSelector.asp?NewsID=13&mediaType=QuickTimeHigh) I once read a quote about families and it struck a chord in me: The family – that dear octopus from whose tentacles we never quite escape, nor, in our inmost hearts, ever quite wish to. ~ Dodie Smith I moved down here to see if I could survive on my own w/o my family to hold me up. Mission accomplished. But I miss them every day. Every single day I wish I could be near them. To laugh w/ Gregory, to hug Jason, to talk to my mom and listen to my dad. I wish I could have lunch w/ my grandfather every week, and that I could be the rock that Matthew so desperately needs. Sigh. This is hard. I’m going to be a mess for the next two days!

But such is life. I need to go to sleep now. I’ve gotta get up soon and get my crap ready for my trip to Davie County where I will be surrounded by the matronly love of Ms. Brannan.


I’m dreaming tonight of a place I love
Even more than I usually do
And although I know it’s a long road back
I promise you

I’ll be home for Christmas,
You can plan on me
Please have snow and mistletoe
And presents on the tree

Christmas Eve will find me
Where the love-light gleams
I’ll be home for Christmas
If only in my dreams

I’ll be home for Christmas,
You can plan on me
Please have snow and mistletoe
And presents on the tree

Christmas Eve will find me
Where the love-light gleams
I’ll be home for Christmas
If only in my dreams


I’m incredibly tired. I don’t even know why I’m sitting at my computer right now, other than I had the urge to write. Yet I don’t know what I want to write about.

I had a very nice, productive day. I’m now 95% done w/ my Christmas shopping. Every time I think I’m finished, though, something new pops up and I need to hit the malls again. Somehow Shel’s grandfather got left out of my loop, so now I need to find something special for him. The pressure’s on. I think he’s such a lovely person and I want to find something equally as lovely for him.

Gary’s office party was tonight. Well, it wasn’t actually an office party as there were only three of us from the office there. The rest of the people were Gary’s girlfriend’s friends. They were a nice group of people, but Shel and I were the youngest by far, so it was a little weird. We tried to mingle, but conversation would stall once we realized the age difference was insurmountable. We did meet one nice couple from Seattle, though. We talked about the different bug populations in the Northwest and the Southeast. Is Southeast one word? There’s no spell check on this thing, so I don’t know. Anyway. After the party, Shel, Tylila and I went out for coffee. We had sparkling conversation and I got a Shirley Temple loaded w/ marishino cherries. Again, the spelling thing. Sorry. Spelling has never been my strong suit.

I get the news I need on the weather report. That’s a line from the Only Living Boy in New York. Simon and Garfunkel. Fabulous. If anyone reading this cares to send me a Christmas gift, please send the Garden State Soundtrack. I lost my copy and I miss it. Only Living Boy… is on the Garden State Soundtrack for those of you who didn’t follow my train of thought. Some people think I’m funny because my train of thought is difficult to follow; I jump from seemingly random thought to thought w/ out any sign of connection, then suddenly the subjects intersect and my strange story suddenly makes sense. Other people think I’m just plain weird.

Ok, too tired to type any more. Gotta hit the sack. I just put my flannel sheets on my bed a little while ago, so I’m anxious to jump into their fuzzy warmth.


I’m freezing. Chilled to the bone. I want to get a hot shower, but Justin’s here and I can’t. When I get a shower I have to leave the door open so that Charlie & Henry can flit in and out of the bathroom. But it would be indecent of me to get a shower with a house-guest.

I’ve been cold since I got back from Pittsburgh, I swear. I love my hometown. It’s a fantastic place. But it’s damn cold! I unexpectedly made a trip up there. I was subpoenaed, actually. I don’t want to get into the details, but I ended up spending four days in Pittsburgh out of the blue. The trip home couldn’t have been better. Well, yeah, it would have been better if Jason and my dad were there. But such is life. My mom and I shopped; my grandfather and I went to lunch together; I had dinner w/ Kristen and Erich, etc… It was really great. About six inches of snow fell while I was home, which was quite magical: snow was falling, my breath was turning to ice, and Christmas lights were strung up all around me. But then I was happy to get back to Raleigh and the mild Southern winter weather. Oh yeah, and the Steelers won. If I had held onto my tickets for a day longer, I could have gone to the game, but I would have been completely miserable. It turned into a mini-blizzard at the beginning of the 3rd quarter, and that’s about the time I would have gotten cranky. Some day I will get to use these season tickets of mine!

Ok. Off I go. I’m going to be brave. I’m going to close my bedroom door and trust that Shel will deter the kitties from scratching the hell out of the door. We shall see if it will be successfull. Cross your fingers!


I did it. I took a plunge. I was tired of maintaining blonde highlights, caramel highlights, red highlights, strawberry blonde highlights – I was tired of all of it. So, I took a deep breath and dyed my hair back to its natural color. And I love it. My hair is dark, dark brown – nearly black – with subtle flecks of deep red. I haven’t seen such a dark mop of hair on my head in more than five years. I think I’ll leave it this way for a while.

You know that Dr. Pepper commercial? The one w/ the Meatloaf song in the background, “I would do anything for love.” I hate it. It’s so stupid that it makes me mad. So, ok. That dude will buy his girl tampons, he’ll fold her underwear, and he’ll bend and flex for her in yoga, but hell no, he won’t give her a sip of his Dr. Pepper. If I was the girl in the commercial, I’d be happy that the dude finally fled; he’s obviously got some serious problems.