Well hello, Journal.

I’ve had a weird day. I think all of my days for the next week will be weird. Shel’s in California, so I’m left w/ a big void in my life where he should be. And also, when he’s not home, I’m afraid to go to sleep. I’m afraid that some monster of a human being is going to sneak into my apartment through one of its many first-floor windows and attack me while I’m sleeping and at my most vulnerable. I’ve read one too many true-crime books and watched too many serial killer documentaries to sleep peacefully while home alone. And it sucks. It sucks to lay in bed, completely still listening for any rustle, any sound that’s out of place. The kitties scampering around, while cute when I have company, is frightening when I’m alone. Was that a cat knocking over a cup, or was that a rapist climbing through my window? Ugh! The drama, the drama.

I’ve got a lot to clean while Shel’s gone. I’m doing housework in exchange for a plane ticket to Philly. Kristen’s wedding shower is next month and I’ve gotta fly up there to attend … and my attendance is mandatory as I’m the maid of honor and I’m the one throwing the shower! Speaking of, I’ve gotta get on the ball w/ that thing. I don’t think it’ll take much time to put it together, but I really ought to get started. (And Kristen, if you’re reading this, don’t worry – I’ll have it done on time!)

My mom called today and filled me in on a secret she had been keeping from me… At her last mamogram they found spots in her left breast. She had to have a biopsy and ultrascan. The tests came back NEGATIVE for both cancer and pre-cancerous cells. Thank God. But, when she told me that they had found something, I truly felt like I was going to vomit and a cold chill ran through my body. I’ve never, ever been so worried about losing my mother. She and I are so close that I feel if I lost her right now, I may never recover.

So, to deal w/ the shock, I decided to throw on my bathing suit and jump into the pool. The water was fabulous and warm, and I was the lone person in the pool. But then it started to thunder and I had to leave. It was so nice in there, though, that I will definitely be back tomorrow.

I’m not a religious person in the least, but I really feel like tonight I have to say my prayers and thank the big man up above for the negative biopsy results.

Some random thoughts for your reading pleasure…

I like that when Shel leaves the apartment & I’m still inside, he locks the door and then shakes the knob a few times before walking away. Like he’s making sure that I’m absolutely safe when he’s not here…

I gave a homeless man my ice cream yesterday. I wish I could have done more.

I’m stressed about money right now. It’s hard to get back on one’s feet after six months w/o a job. Blah to that.

I was on the phone w/ Kristen’s mom for over an hour and a half planning the wedding shower. Fun times are ahead for Miss Kristen! I’m having fun getting to be my anal organizing self!

I love the following quote from a song: you’re the magic that holds the sky up from the ground.

I’ll leave on that note.


My eyes just did not want to open this morning. I hit snooze twice and was barely able to lift my sleepy head from the pillow. I guess it’s because I had a bit of a frantic weekend. I had about a billion errands to run, a dog to baby-sit and birthday festivities to attend. All of which were fun, but it kept me quite busy. I feel like since I started working, I haven’t even had an hour to just sit and veg and I need a break! Not a big break, but maybe an evening to plop down on the sofa and let my eyes glaze over.

I haven’t written in here for a while and I’m not sure where I left off. Hmmm. I have a job, I spent a wonderful long weekend in Pittsburgh… I think that was the last time I wrote in here.

So, I just read an article about some massacre that took place in Bosnia 10 years ago and it really moved me. I was looking at the pictures that accompanied the article, and some of the pictures featured aid workers attending to the injured. Looking at those pictures made me feel completely inadequate. I seriously wonder why it’s not in me to volunteer in Africa or in Russia or some other impoverished area. Why am I so hell bent on having cute clothes, CDs and internet access? In the grand scheme of things, what does that really matter? Sometimes I see myself as a selfish little girl pretending to be a grown-up while the real world swirls around me and I do nothing to contribute. Blah.

Now I’ll continue writing about mundane things…

I really need a hair cut. When I got my hair chopped over the winter, it looked cool having the front a bit longer than the back, but now it’s kind of all grown in and my hair just hangs there. It doesn’t look good at all. So, I think I’m going to get some layers put in the front, just to spice it up a bit. I can’t cut any of the length because I need to have a curly up-do for Kristen’s wedding in October. Ooohhhh Lordie I hope I fit into my bridesmaid dress! LOL. Damn big ass and thunder thighs!

It was really nice celebrating Mr. Brannan’s 90th birthday yesterday. He was surrounded by his family and happy as a clam. Church was a bit weird – the pastor, reverend – whatever – said that people like myself were doomed to Hell, which wasn’t pleasant to hear, but to each his own. I haven’t been ‘saved’ or ‘born again’, so I don’t fit into what he sees as a person who will ascend ‘to the golden streets of Heaven’. Eh, we’ll see. I think I’m an okay person.

Happy day: my car no longer squeaks (yay for turning rotors!), everything got straightened-out w/ my rent fiasco, the kitties stopped vomiting & Shel and I came to consensus about our relationship … kinda! Good enough for now, anyway.

So, I’m off to read some more of Can You Keep A Secret? and then into bed I go. While I’m beyond thankful to have a job, getting up early sucks!!