I woke up, snuggled deeper into my pillow and blanket, and decided that maybe I ought to wake up. I figured I could enjoy some time to myself before Shel woke up and before the errands of the day needed to start. I rolled over, looked at my alarm clock, and thought, “holy crap!!” — instead of it being around 8:00-8:30 like I had anticipated, I found it to be nearly 10:00. Weird.
I had strange dreams last night, but I can only remember one of them. Kate and I make dinner for each other every week – sometimes we invite Shel and Allan, and occasionally we don’t. Well, anyway, last night in my dream it was Kate’s turn to make dinner, Shel and Allan were invited, but the catch was, in order to get dinner, we had to climb like a 800ft cliff and it was completely vertical. I declined on dinner, ran to Quiznos, got a sub and watched the three of them climb up the cliff. It took them two entire days to climb, and I was thinking that they were idiots.
This past week has been so hard on a variety of levels. My stress is absolutely through the roof and I’m honestly pretty depressed, too. I’m not very religious at all, but my mom once told me that God never gives you more than you can handle, and that’s kind of become my mantra as I’ve been dealing w/ all of the things going on in my life. Something’s gotta give, though – it really does.
Ms. Brannan’s sister was diagnosed w/ colon cancer, which has unfortunately already spread. Sigh. I hope this doesn’t become one of those delayed reaction type deals for me. The day my Aunt Natalie died, I cried my little eyes out. Shel took me to the movies to try to get my mind off of things and honestly, since that point, I haven’t shed a single tear. I wonder if I’m avoiding it. When I found out about Ms. Brannan’s sister, it made my hands start to tremble like, “Oh, here we go again” because everything that happened is still so fresh in my head. I wonder if I’m also still in a bit of denial about my grandma although it happened nearly five years ago. I loved my gradnma tremendously and when she died, I was a wreck at her funeral – couldn’t bear it – then I didn’t shed a single tear again for almost two years. Except when I was watching a movie where an animal died … that always, w/o a doubt, makes me cry.
I really need a shower. I ought to go get one.