As I sit here watching the World Series and typing on Shel’s laptop w/ short red fingernails, I’m realising for the first time that my body is simply a vessel and it can give out on me w/o warning. My stomach hurts, my head hurts, my tooth hurts and my skin hurts. Never before have so many distinctly different parts of my body caused me such discomfort. I feel like an old lady who should be wasting away in a nursing home surrounded by old photographs and tubes of Vic’s Vaporub.

Red Socks just scored again. 4-0. Go Socks! I’m always a fan of the underdog, perhaps because I view myself as sort of a perpetual underdog.

But alas, I walked away the pounds for the second day in a row and I’m quite proud of myself.

My birthday present from Kristen arrived in the mail today and it was totally kick-ass. She’s seriously the bestest friend. She sent me Eat N Park smiley cookies and a WVU laser cut license plate thingy for the front of my car. I can’t wait to make Shel my slave boy and have him attach it.

I’ve gotta go brush my teeth now so that I can embark on a successful eight hours of comatose happiness, but I’m afraid of getting anything minty near the decay that was once my tooth. I’ve really gotta get that thing pulled and get on my merry way towards braces, but as a result of THE NEWS, my financial future is uncertain … too uncertain for a trip to the oral surgeon. So, I’ll remain in discomfort until I find myself on more stable employment ground. (THE NEWS = my job is coming to a close in December. This was quite unexpected.)

This guy I work w/ – an older guy – is going back to school to get a second degree in sociology. What one does w/ a degree in sociology is beyond my realm of thinking, but anyway… He’s not so good at writing, so prior to handing in a paper, he has me proofread it. I do so w/ glee – I’m one of those sick, sad people who enjoys the sometimes indecipherable rules of grammar. So, yeah. Yesterday I fixed one of his papers for him and this morning, upon placing my humongous ass in my chair, I found two movie passes waiting for me on my desk. Fabulous! Bridget Jones, here I come!

Ok, I can do it. I can brush my teeth. I can swish and swoosh w/ Act (mouthwash) and I can take preventative measures against further tooth decay. In the profound words of Thomas the Train, “I think I can I think I can I think I can!”

Later, yo.

I had an absolutely vivid dream last night of the Eiffel Tower being attacked by planes. When I went to go look for it on CNN and the other news channels/websites, I couldn’t find any stories about it – I could only find a few pictures. The media over here was so wrapped up in the election and the World Series that it didn’t care about France. Also, when I first heard of the attack, I told Shel that there was no way John Kerry would win now, that the election was over, and I wondered if Dubya had planned something…


I attacked and took over two countries.

I spent the U.S. surplus and bankrupted the Treasury.

I shattered the record for biggest annual deficit in history.

I set an economic record for most private bankruptcies filed in any 2-month period.

I set all-time record for biggest drop in the history of the stock market.

I am the first president in decades to execute a federal prisoner.

I am the first president in US history to enter office with a criminal record.

In my first year in office I set the all-time record for most days on vacation by any president in US history.

After taking the entire month of August off for vacation, I presided over the worst security failure in US history.

I set the record for most campaign fund raising trips by any president in US history.

In my first two years in office over 2 million Americans lost their jobs.

I cut unemployment benefits for more out-of-work Americans than any other president in US history.

I set the all-time record for the most foreclosures in a 12-month period.

I appointed more convicted criminals to administration positions than any president in US history.

I set the record for the fewest press conferences of any president since the advent of TV.

I signed more laws and executive orders amending the Constitution than any other president in US history.

I presided over the biggest energy crises in US history and refused to intervene when corruption was revealed.

I presided over the highest gasoline prices in US history and refused to use the national reserves as past presidents have.

I cut health care benefits for war veterans.

I set the all-time record for most people worldwide to simultaneously take to the streets to protest me (15 million people), shattering the record for protest against any person in the history of mankind.

I dissolved more international treaties than any president in US history.

I’ve made my presidency the most secretive and unaccountable of any in US history.

Members of my cabinet are the richest of any administration in US history. (The ‘poorest’ multimillionaire, Condoleeza Rice, has a Chevron oil tanker named after her).

I am the first president in US history to have all 50 states of the Union simultaneously go bankrupt.

I presided over the biggest corporate stock market fraud in any market in any country in the history of the world.

I am the first president in US history to order a US attack and military occupation of a sovereign nation, and I did so against the will of the United Nations and the world community.

I have created the largest government department bureaucracy in the history of the United States.

I set the all-time record for biggest annual budget spending increases, more than any other president in US history.

I am the first president in US history to have the United Nations remove the US from the Human Rights Commission.

I am the first president in US history to have the United Nations remove the US from the Elections Monitoring Board.

I removed more checks and balances, and have the least amount of congressional oversight than any presidential administration in US history.

I rendered the entire United Nations irrelevant.

I withdrew from the World Court of Law.

I refused to allow inspectors access to US prisoners of war and by default no longer abide by the Geneva Conventions.

I am the first president in US history to refuse United Nations election inspectors access during the 2002 US elections.

I am the all-time US (and world) record holder for most corporate campaign donations.

The biggest lifetime contributor to my campaign, who is also one of my best friends, presided over one of the largest corporate bankruptcy frauds in world history (Kenneth Lay, former CEO of Enron Corporation).

I spent more money on polls and focus groups than any president in US history.

I am the first president to run and hide when the US came under attack and then lied, saying the enemy had the code to Air Force 1).

I am the first US president to establish a secret shadow government.

I took the world’s sympathy for the US after 911, and in less than a year made the US the most resented country in the world (possibly the biggest diplomatic failure in US and world history).

I am the first US president in history to have a majority of the people of Europe (71%) view my presidency as the biggest threat to world peace and stability.

I am the first US president in history to have the people of South Korea more threatened by the US than by their immediate neighbor, North Korea.

I changed US policy to allow convicted criminals to be awarded government contracts.

I set the all-time record for number of administration appointees who violated US law by not selling their huge investments in corporations bidding for government contracts.

I have removed more freedoms and civil liberties for Americans than any other president in US history. In a little over two years I have created the most divided country in decades, possibly the most divided that the US has been since the civil war.

I entered office with the strongest economy in US history and in less than two years turned every single economic category heading straight down.

I have at least one conviction for drunk driving in Maine (Texas driving record has been erased and is not available).
I was AWOL from the National Guard and deserted the military during a time of war. I refused to take a drug test or even answer any questions about drug use.

All records of my tenure as governor of Texas have been spirited away to my father’s library, sealed in secrecy and unavailable for public view.

All records of any SEC investigations into my insider trading or bankrupt companies are sealed in secrecy and unavailable for public view.

All minutes of meetings of any public corporation for which I served on the board are sealed in secrecy and unavailable for public view.

Any records or minutes from meetings I (or my VP) attended regarding public energy policy are sealed in secrecy and unavailable for public review.

For personal references, please speak to my dad or uncle James Baker (They can be reached in their offices at the Carlyle Group where they are helping to divide up the spoils of the US-Iraq war and plan for the ext one.)

Tomorrow, tomorrow, I’ll love ya, tomorrow, it’s only a day away…

I don’t know why I’m thinking the theme to Annie in my head. I’ve never even seen Annie. I had a great aunt w/ that name. From what I understand, she was a nurse and she fell in love w/ a married doctor and, despite having an affair, the doctor remained w/ his wife. Annie was so distraught that she filled up an IV w/ saline solution and committed suicide. I don’t know how much of that rings true, but it’s an interesting story. It’s filled w/ lots of drama and that’s probably why it’s been passed down through a generation or two.

I’m having an odd kind of day. I’m not happy, but I’m not sad. I’ve got a lot on my mind, but I’m trying really, really hard to not let it bother me. I think I’m doing a good job at keeping my stresses in tact, as does Shel, which is saying a lot. Shel always thinks my stresses are out of control and it bothers him. It bothers him that I’m so serious. I don’t know if I’m actually that serious, but I’m a thinker. I like quiet time to retreat inside of my own head and figure things out. He blows off steam when he’s stressed, which means that he yells a lot and turns into a bit of a drama queen. That’s what I call him – my little drama queen. Either that or King Miserable. I don’t know which he likes better, but I’d say King Miserable because ‘my little drama queen’ might insinuate that he’s a bit feminine, which he despises.

Anyway. Why am I so stressed, you might ask? Well, I don’t want to talk about it. That’s another thing I do when I’m really stressed. I don’t externally acknowledge what’s bothering me. Once I make peace w/ it in my head, I’ll get it out.

Yay for Ben Roethlisberger, the savior of my beloved Steelers. And yay for WVU moving up two spots in the rankings despite not playing last week! Haha. Oh how I love my Mountaineers…

Ok, time to go now. Later gators.

According to an online IQ test I took while half asleep…

Your overall intelligence quotient is the result of a scientifically-tested formula based on how many questions you answered correctly. But it’s only part of what we learned about you from your answers on the test. We also determined the way you process information.

The way you think about things makes you a Linguistic Architect. This means you are brilliant when it comes to language and words. You are also very good at understanding things on an abstract level. You are at your best when you put those two skills together to communicate new ideas and see how they fit into different contexts. You understand math and science on a gut level, even if the equations and science don’t come as easily. You can use these skills to be a great communicator or to create a masterpiece.

How did we determine that your thinking style is that of a Linguistic Architect? When we examined your test results further, we analyzed how you scored on 8 dimensions of intelligence: spatial, organizational, abstract reasoning, logical, mechanical, verbal, visual and numerical. The 3 dimensions you scored highest on combine to make you a Linguistic Architect. Only 6 out of 1,000 people have this rare combination of abilities.

Ok, so I’m depressed. Seriously. I could honest to God cry right now. The Mountaineers lost to the fucking Hokies. Excuse my language. But you know what? We’re still 4-1, we’re still going to win the Big East, we’re still going to have the best season in the history of West Virginia University and we’re still going to a BCS bowl. So, honestly, who was the bigger loser on the field? The Mountaineers? I think not.