I’m not going to say where the following comes from, but reading it made me want to vomit:

I’m an advocate for male domination. I like to be told what to do. I like being told what we’re doing. I like being told “we’ve talked about it enough.” What my boyfriend tells me to do is the bottom line for me… and I think it should be for all those around me.

The author of that statement needs to be transported back to the 1940s where she belongs. My boyfriend respects me enough to not dare tell me what to do.

Speaking of my boyfriend… I called him and he asked if he could call me back because, “I’m watching Star Trek and eating pizza”. LOL. I’m in love w/ a Trekkie. A Trekkie in denial at that.

Some quotes about the new ACC w/ Virginia Tech and Miami…

From ESPN.com:

~What have these “institutions of higher learning” taught their students during this process? I’ll tell you …
The ACC schools have taught their students that it is okay to better yourself at the expense of others just like you, as long as there is more money in it for you. The University of Miami has taught its students that it’s okay to turn your back on friends who welcomed you with open arms, and deceitfully, quitely plot their destruction as a means of your own financial gain. Virginia Tech has taught its students that outright treachery and hypocracy are acceptable at the right price, and that it is okay to publicly declare yourself to be in an alliance until the other side offers you the deal that you were saying was born in deceit. We should expect more from our institutions of higher learning. They should hold themselves to a higher standard.

~As a UM graduate originally from New England, I think a move to the ACC sucks. The Big East is a much classier conference than the red-necky, NCAA-violatin’, way-overrated ACC. Other than FSU, who Miami already plays every year, there are no teams in the ACC that could hope to do better than break even against BC, VT or Syracuse if they played year in and year out. The only thing the ACC had to offer was money, but even that is now gone with only 11 teams. Miami will take a big pay cut and hope that 3-4 years down the line another team will get added? Stupid move.
They can stop calling me for donations.

Tampa, FL

~Geographically, the move to the ACC makes sense for Miami and Virginia Tech. However, when you look at loyalty, you have to wonder. When Miami was looking for a conference to join over a decade ago, the Big East was there. But loyalty is a thing of the past. Today, it’s all about the almighty dollar. Piles of cash trump loyalty now.

~What has happened to loyalty, my friends? What has happened to living up to one’s word? Miami president Donna Shalala told the rest of the Big East 18 months ago that the Hurricanes were in there to stay, but oh how some cash can change someone’s feelings.

From Brentroad.com:

~after we’re done with the big east, let’s pillage the PAC 10. hear that oregon? we’re comin for ya.

~Our plan has already started. Soon the ACC will become the All Coast Conference.

From CNNSI.com:

~ACC expands to 12 … er, 13 … no, 10 … on second thought, 11.

Good paragraph from ESPN.com on the asinine ACC leaders and the possibility of expanding the BCS bowls from four to five as a result of their Big East takeover:

The idea of adding a fifth bowl to the BCS format in the next contract has circulated over the last several months. The uncertainty surrounding the Big East lends more credence to the proposal. It’s difficult to believe that the major conferences would repeat an unseemly grab for money only months after the embarrassing nature of the ACC’s attempt to expand. What began as a bold attempt to grab power and money has ended in a tangle of lawsuits, acrimony and a result that the conference never would have set out to achieve. If Lewis and Clark set out on a journey as successful as the ACC’s, they would have ended up in a cul de sac in Tulsa.

Um, so yeah, on to happier news:

I got a cow!!! No, he’s not a real cow, but I think he just might be more adorable than a real cow. His name is Steve. Months ago I saw a cow at a fancy-schmancy store and thought he was the cutest little thing. However, I couldn’t afford him. Recently I’ve been telling Shel that I want a cow because I’m enamored w/ them – their big noses and eyes are completely irresistible to me. Haha. Anyway. So, Shel and I go out to lunch today and when we were leaving the restaurant, he asked me to drive him somewhere. I put up a little fuss because the place he wanted to go was literally right next door to the restaurant and also, he had his own car. I finally gave up, went to get in my car and stumbled upon my cow all wrapped up in a bag w/ a ribbon sitting in my driver’s seat. I was stunned! Shel – nor anyone else – has ever done anything like that for me. I was honestly very, very touched. I can’t believe he did that for me!! I’m shocked that he remembered what store to go to and which cow I wanted. I’m so, so, so flattered.

I still have sand in my purse left over from the beach. I reached into my purse this morning to slather lipstick on and when I pulled out the tube, it had sprinkles of white sand decorating it. It made me happy.

I’m sleepy today, but good. Last night Charlotte transformed herself from a beautiful baby kitten into the spawn of Satan. She was loud, and, in a feat showing her stunning aerodynamic abilities, climbed up my closed bedroom blinds desperate to take a peak outside. Little did Charlotte know that it was pitch black and even w/ her enormous emerald eyes, she would have been able to see nothing except the dull outline of shrubbery. So, I kicked her out of my bedroom. Being the persistent critter she is, she then whined and clawed at my door (doing no damage) until Shel and I relented and let her back in. She lost interest in us as soon as we slipped back into unconsciousness, I’m assuming, but then decided to get her nocturnal exercises done – aka – running laps. Shel wondered if the people in the apartment below me could hear her tiny feet slamming against the floor and they probably can. With the way Charlotte runs and the speed she attains, they probably think I’m training a miniature greyhound.

Shel and I are going to Red Hot and Blue for lunch – time to get some southern cookin! Haha. Southerners are very wrapped up in their BBQ, as I’m growing to realize. BBQ in the north is utterly different from BBQ in the south for starters. For my mother, a Yankee all her life, BBQ is nothing more than chipped ham doused in catsup and Worcestershire sauce. In the south it’s a whole different BBQ world. For starters, they have actual pork as their meat as opposed to ham. It’s called pulled pork. Hmmm… wondering if that means they literally pull the pork from the bone. Probably, but it’s a bit gross to think about. Then there’s the location thing. Eastern Carolina BBQ is significantly different than Western Carolina BBQ. I’ve been told that there are even slight variations depending on which county you’re from. For the record, Eastern BBQ is more vinegar based than Western BBQ which is more tomato paste based. Don’t ask how I know this. Eastern Carolina BBQ is good (I’ve never had Western) and the only thing I question is this: what are those hard, chewy things floating around in the meat? Some things are just better left unanswered…

I already spilled my heart out into a private entry, so all you get is the leftovers! Um – Time Warner RoadRunner cable internet BLOWS! The RoadRunner man is going to make an appearance at my house between the hours of 1 and 5pm tomorrow to come and fix it. Yeah, who can take off four hours from work to wait for the RoadRunner man?!? Not me! So, the RR man’s going to call me on his way to my apartment and I’m going to meet him there. Ooohhh yeah – afternoon rendezvous w/ the RoadRunner man! HA!

I cleaned my apartment a little bit last night, which made me feel better. I’ve still got a long way to go, but before I can get the heavy-duty cleaning done, I need to get my vacuum back from the boys of Melrose Place and invest in a mop. Much to my surprise, Charlotte doesn’t leave inches of hair everywhere, so she’s relatively easy to clean up after. Woo hoo! I just hate a mess. I hate it, hate it, hate it.

Apparently Kristen got a new Sprint phone, which is wonderful for several reasons. First, it’s a picture phone, so she can send me pictures. Second, we both have Sprint PCS to Sprint PCS meaning that we can talk all the time w/o having to worry about those pesky minutes. That makes me happy. I miss my best friend.

I get my pictures back from Wilmington/Topsail Island today and that’s pretty cool. Well, the pics are half on this roll and half on a roll that’s still in the camera. The other pictures on today’s roll are of my apartment so I can send them to my Aunt Natalie.

Um, so that’s about all that’s new or exciting. Have a lovely day.

I have a recurring dream. It replays itself in my head at least once a week, maybe more. In my dream Shel leaves me for someone else. It’s always the same someone, but I don’t think she has any significance; I think it’s more about him leaving me or cheating on me. I don’t consciously think he’s going to leave me for someone else, but I guess maybe somewhere in the back of my head I think it could happen. There’s always some new girl to occupy his thoughts. The hot girl at the pool, the cute girl he took around Melrose. The Norwegian girl in one of his classes, the cheerleader in another. A girl on tv in the bikini or a girl on the radio. I hear about all of them. Maybe that’s where it comes from. Maybe because I hear about so many other girls, something inside of me just assumes he’s looking for someone else. Because if he wasn’t, why would he notice just about every girl he has any type of contact w/? If he’s not looking, then he shouldn’t notice every single girl – he should almost be able to look beyond them. They shouldn’t matter enough to him to tell me about them.

I have no idea what to expect when he goes to LA. I don’t know how I feel about my boyfriend flying 3,000 miles to visit a girl he once had romantic feelings for. Ok, after writing that sentence I realize I’ve just written every girl’s nightmare. Ugh, this is not good. I don’t want to say anything to him about it because I don’t want to seem like a jealous bitch, but at the same time, I’m more than slightly worried. This girl seems to have more interest in him than he does in her, but what if she starts to really pursue him when he’s out there? He’s going to be so wrapped up in LA and her whole scene that he just might get carried away. If he cheats on me, it’s over. It’s really as cut and dry as that. If he cheats then he obviously has no regard for my feelings, which is a pretty terrible thing. I trust him. I do. I’m just scared about this whole thing. I don’t know many other girls who would be ok w/ their boyfriends doing something like this and I don’t know if he realizes that.

My apartment is thoroughly disgusting. I haven’t had time to clean it in over a week. Ok, what you consider thoroughly disgusting and what I consider thoroughly disgusting are probably two different things because, you see, I am a neat freak. So, my apartment’s messy and it’s driving me absolutely crazy. I can’t walk around w/o thinking, “this needs to be put away” or “I need to sweep the floor” or something to that effect. Maybe I should hire a maid. It would be nice, but I can’t afford one. Nor do I need one. It would just be nice to have. I could be like, “Loupe, I’m heading off to work, please have my apartment spotless, Charlotte brushed and dinner prepared by 5:30.” And then I’d come home to an immaculate apartment, a soft Charlotte and filet mignon w/ asparagus in hollandaise sauce, garlic mashed potatoes and ceasar salad! Hehe.

Back to reality.

I’m at work and I’m to the point that I’m almost wishing I’d get fired so I wouldn’t have to be here any more. Isn’t that terrible? I’d quit, but then I wouldn’t be able to collect unemployment. Unfortunately I have bills to pay so I’m going to look for a job as hard as I know how and work lots of over-time to be able to put money away. I feel myself slipping more and more into a state of depression. I have a fantastic boyfriend w/ whom I’m head over heels in love, a great little apartment, a loving and supportive family and a sweet little kitten, but stresses about my job are consuming me. I’m under an incredible amount of pressure at work, more so than I can possibly say, and I feel like my little shoulders can’t hold it up anymore. I’m getting lazy, sleeping all the time, I have no desire to be physically active. I’m just lethargic in general. Unfortunately family circumstances have forced me to become familiar w/ depression and its signs, so I know them well and I’m recognizing them in myself. I almost think it would be better for my well-being if I just quit my job, but, again, I have bills and financial responsibilities that I couldn’t possibly meet if I didn’t have this job. My biggest fear right now is losing Shel. He’s literally my sunshine – he brightens my day beyond words. I’m afraid that if I don’t cheer up soon, he’s going to get sick of me and not want to be w/ me any more. He’s given no indication of this, mind you, but it’s a fear that I have.

I feel like the position I’m in is my own fault. I got complacent. I knew I didn’t like my job from day one, but instead of look for a new one, I just stuck around, thinking things would get better. I thought I could stick it out because graduate school would be paid for, but then I started to realize that this job just isn’t worth it. By that point I had started working 50+ hours a week, having more demands and responsibilities placed on me and was given a work load that simply isn’t manageable by just one person. I left Pittsburgh for the same reason; complacency. I did not want to get stuck in a city where I didn’t want to live. So I took a chance and left as soon as I thought I could. Why didn’t I do that w/ this job?? I knew there was no mobility, I knew I was doing nothing that would enable me to use my degree, so why in the hell did I stay here?

Because of my warped state of mind, I feel like I’m never going to find another job. I’m sending out resume after resume and I have no idea when I’ll hear something back. It’ll probably take a couple of months at the very earliest and that’s a daunting length of time. The economy’s in bad shape and I don’t have the experience necessary to compete for jobs in my field. I’m just frustrated. I’m utterly frustrated.