It’s been a while, right? I actually have no idea. I feel like if I waste a precious second to open another window and find the last time I wrote in here, my child could wake up and it could be weeks more until you get an update.
Not that you’d care. You’re just a blog.
Anyway. In case it wasn’t obvious from my lack of updates and the overflow of Charlotte pictures on Insagram and the like, I’m now a stay-at-home-mom. I’m not planning to go back to work.
And I’m happy.
I stay home all day long with my child who, despite her angelic face, has the tasmanian devil for her spirit animal. And I’m happy.
When I lost my job (again) and when Charlotte was asked to leave her daycare, the stars seemed to align to make this a reality. Though it took me a while to realize it.
I feel like the Universe (God, The Supreme Being, Allah, what have you) has been tapping me on the shoulder for a while now.
Tap, tap: you’re not where you’re supposed to be. Insert layoff HERE.
Tap, tap, tap: you’re not where you’re supposed to be. Insert another job loss HERE.
Tap, tap, TAP: lady! you’re not in the right place! Insert yet another devastating job loss right HERE.
Finally, I listened.
Now, I’m not saying that I intend to never return to the working world again, but right now, I think this is where I’m supposed to be.
I’m supposed to be here to teach my girl to brush her teeth and her hair. I’m supposed to rock her and read her books before her nap. I’m supposed to feed her pancakes for breakfast and play patty cakes with her in the afternoon.
This is a hard gig for sure. The hardest I’ve ever had, but the most rewarding I’ve ever had, too. When Charlotte was born, even in the fog of postpartum depression (I was diagnosed. Did I tell you?), I knew I would never do anything better with my life than her. And I am certain that raising her and teaching her and being with her in these formative years is the most important job I will ever have.
Not that you can’t do it while also juggling a full-time job – because you can, though it’s much harder.
I think I’m in a unique position now. I’ve been on both sides. While this is the most challenging job I’ve ever had, my life in general is so much easier.
I have a singular focus. You’re going to think I’m a 50′s housewife, but I assure you, I’ve never felt more like a feminist in my life. My focus is on my home and what goes on inside of it. My focus is my child, my husband, my dog and the two plants I’ve managed to keep alive.
Before, I was more stressed out than I could have ever imagined, and I didn’t even realize it. I was constantly torn in multiple directions. I felt like I never had enough time for anything, least of all me. I was multitasking my entire life.
Right now, if I busted my ass all hours of the day, I could have time for everything. But I don’t want to. I’m reveling in the slower pace of my life, and if that means clean laundry sits in the basket for another day (or six), that’s ok.
So, this is what I plan on doing for a while. At least until Charlotte and Hypothetical Baby Number Two (HBNT) are off to kindergarten. Then I’ll go back to work, walk a completely different path than the one before. Just because I like to write and maybe have slightly more ability than average (though obviously not great) doesn’t mean I have to do it for a living anymore.
But life is what happens when you’re busy making other plans, right? We’ll see what happens. As long as we’re financially able to pull this off (there have been budget talks and spending cuts galore, believe me) and we’re all thriving, we’ll keep it up. If not, we’ll figure something else out.
In the meantime, we’re all happy and really looking forward to the summertime.
Fingers crossed for an abnormally long nap today…